This is the smallest and quietest of the gifts I plan to give you tomorrow, as you turn 8. It's the least expensive and the one you're not really expecting (though you might be. It's hard to know, because you see so much more than I ever remember to give you credit for which is, frankly, a little scary, a little bit cool) but it comes from the deepest part of my heart, which is where the wish that was you, was born.
What a gift you are, Luke, to me, to our family, to the world, though they may not yet recognize their luck just yet. Behind your shy lurks a most hilarious jokester and a kid who, once he forgets himself, can move mountains and hearts with his smile.
Do you know that, before you were born, as I watched your brother gently place his head on my growing belly, I loved you? I loved you when you were just a speck of life, flickering under my heart. In it.
And during these past eight years, I have grown to love you even more. I love your laugh - such a deep, rich and entirely joyful sound. I don't hear it often, for you are often busy watching and thinking serious thoughts, it seems. But when you smile and it reaches your eyes and then that glorious sound comes up from your belly, it takes my breath away, it's so beautiful.
I love your fierce, my boy. Even when you roar with indignation or frustration, you amaze me with your clarity and your honesty. You humble me with both, Luke, especially when you show me truth about myself, about the world, about a moment. No one brings me to it faster than you do. Thank you, my son, for your gift of sight.
I love your tender heart - hidden behind bluster, but always true. I love the way you save your best hugs for bedtime and how you laughingly cling to my neck, my arms, my legs, trying to topple me into your love for just a moment longer. Even as I protest and gently pry myself loose, there are nights when I know that I will miss those moments the most, as you grow older and further away from the boy I adore and closer to the man I will be proud to call my son. I miss him already.
In the meantime, know that I thank God every day for helping you choose me - I can never tell you enough when you ask, "Is it hard, being a mum?" how it is the greatest privilege I have ever known. How blessed I feel, every day, to wake you with kisses and hugs. How even when I'm hollering at you to "Hurry up and brush your teeth!" I am always, always in love with you - the boy who fills my heart with gratitude and awe, simply because he exists.
Your sense of humour, amazing vocabulary and awesome dance moves don't hurt, either, by the way. I also dig that you get me and mine and can sing harmony on almost any song I sing. Mad skills, Luke. You got 'em.
I love you beyond my juiciest words, more than all the stars in the sky and from the deepest part of my heart, where the best miracles dwell. You are mine and I am a better mother because of you.
Thank you for my best eight years and for choosing me.
Happy Birthday, Luke.
I love you.
Mummy
