Writing Challenge: Relationship Status

I have been married to Mark for 12 years. Despite those years and the five we spent torturing getting to know each other before taking vows of forever,  we remain woefully unqualified to talk about marriage with any kind of wise authority.

In fact, I think it's safe to say that we are the cautionary tale upon which all pre-nuptial counselling sessions should be based.

We are the "what NOT to do" list.

Still...we have learned  some stuff. Well, I have. I shouldn't speak for Mark. He gets twitchy about that sort of thing.

1. Marriage works when your crazy complements someone ELSE's crazy.

When you're both control freaks who like to avoid confrontation but yell like lunatics far, far too often, this can make for a fraught relationship. HOWEVER, when the stars align and everyone's slept well and the full moon has passed and someone served lasagna for dinner, then our dysfunction can be funny. Maybe just to us?

2. Sleeping arrangements should be re-negotiated yearly. Perhaps monthly, depending on the moon cycle.

Mostly, that means that when my husband sticks to HIS side and doesn't allow his foot to stray onto MY side, all is well. When he doesn't press "snooze" 104 times before 5 a.m. well, that's loving and respectful and makes it so that I am more inclined to go downstairs and make coffee instead of passive-aggressively flushing the toilet while he's in the shower and then hiding behind the door when he yanks the curtain aside to holler.

Also, it's helpful that he can sleep through anything, including my dead-sexy sleep apnea machine.

(Dead-sexy, people. When paired with bed socks, a hooded sweatshirt and flannel pj bottoms, my bedroom attire is irresistible...)

*Pause for me to snort-laugh*

3. Communication is key.

We communicate, just not well. Do better than us and you're well on your way to wedded bliss. Or something...